I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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