And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The dick lei will go down in squad history
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
