Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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