And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
