I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize