never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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