last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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