South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
