As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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