perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
