im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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