Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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