I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize