One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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