i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
