I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
