Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
