I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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