Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
