oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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