I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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