Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
