sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
