I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
