I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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