her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
