I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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