Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
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The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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