If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize