that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize