I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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