Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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