Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize