and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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