what day is it and did you see me today?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
