ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
