Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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