Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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