your thong is hanging out like whoa
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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