A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
