Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
