I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
