I CAN MOONWALK!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
