It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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