Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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