She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
