Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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