Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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