# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
