Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They took my balls.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
