Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
