shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
