i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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