how do flat chested girls get laid?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.