Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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