Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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