I cockslap morals
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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