i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
